Big Little Man :(

I know I whine about my boys a lot, but big little man has really huge emotional issues I just don't know how to deal with, he is sulky or angry, loses the plot (like throws things) and today the pre-school teacher (more like the headmaster) told me when it was time to pack up some toys, he lost it and started hitting his head on the floor, very hard and refusing to stop. He has never done the head hitting at home, but has hit himself in the head when things don't go his way, she is going to give me a list of child physiologist for him which I think he does need, it's like he needs kiddy anger management classes.

She thinks he has esteem issues also, that if I don't look into them now then they can develop into other emotional issues. He is a pain but i don't want that for him.

The thing that is getting to me is, is this my fault? I'm not the best mum, I never know how to deal with him, I scream a lot, ignore twice as much. I do praise him for good things, but they are far and few in between. When DS2 was born I was so tired and angry all the time I just couldn't tolerate him so during this time there was a bit of spanking, not anymore, I don't like hitting the kids unless they are doing something dangerous, like running out on the road when I've told them 2 sec before they have to hold my hand.

I don't want my kids telling me when they are adults I did it all wrong if I can fix it now. I just want to cry, I've always admitted I've had hard kids but maybe they are hard cause I'm hard and have such negative feeling about them.

What do I do?