I have decided that I really need to blog more as I am just not feeling myself these days and really need to just lay down my thoughts no matter how trivial just so they are are out on my mind.
The Man is finally ready to share the cable net but we just need to work out how to use the router. My wonderful easy peasy Mac finds the net no issues, but his PC refuses to co-operate and so I continue to battle with the crap Unwired service I am connected too. The Man has been very kind though and allow me to use his computer when ever he is not, but thre is no private function there (like here in Safari) and I would have to delete history as I want this blog to be private from him. I always feel I have to expalin that it's not like I want to keep secrets from him, as nothing on here is that personal, but its a bit of me that is just me. He reads my hand journal and so I always have to be a little diplomatic, so to speak.
I've been feeling really down lately, I'm just not motivated to do anything, exercise, read, write, ride, walk, nothing. Everything frustrates me, I mean everything usual did but now it's to the point I just sit back and let it all run over me. I feel like nothing, an unimportant blimp in society. If I disappeared tomorrow I'm sure no one would notice, I think deep down that I know that is not the truth but it's just the feelings I feel these days. I put this in my hand journal and The Man read it and started on me, saying I'm pathetic and not a teen and just move on and get a grip...so I need this quiet place of my own.
I enjoy to scrap though,I think as it is all me, deigned by me, and my feeling in it, but it can suck so much of my time that I do nothing else and then I get in trouble like a child and need to be reprimanded.
So I plan to blog more, to release what ever it is that is holding me back at the moment and to find the smile that used to be on my face daily.
So I apologise in advance to my minimal readers, your going to be reading a whole lot of boring SAHM stuff! Turn your RSS off now!
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5 comments:
Oh no jo :( This post made me so sad. I think your a beautiful (both inside and out) and I'm sure your the best mother, wife and friend.
I can't even say don't speak like that, because I too at times have spoken in the same vain.
I'm going to say it's probably just a phase, maybe to look a bit deeper to what you really want in life.
I know I have avoiding things of late as well. I'm so forgetful and get lost in what I am doing. It must be stress and I would say you getting involved in scrapping is a release for you.
I wish I could give you a big HUG!
Just accept my cyber hug xxoo :)
This is a sad post, SAHM. Obviously you're important to us, or we wouldn't have kept posting comments asking where you'd gone. On Saturday, I was out for breakfast, and in the bathroom they had the crack picture you had up for so long on your blog - I thought of you and laughed. Small place - the other patrons probably wondered what I found so funny in there.
Ah yes, the get a grip thing. Easy for some people to say. Its quite normal to go through periods like that. Do you have stuff to look forward to? That really helps. Whether its a holiday, or meeting a goal, or getting paperwork out the way. Cleaning out the spare room you pretend isn't a complete mess, sorting through a bookshelf or rearranging it. Sometimes that can make you feel refreshed. Maybe getting a new recipe book and trying to cook new things rather the things you are used to cooking - I can so send you one of mine - I have oodles of them! I just don;t make the time. But with my new pressure cooker I am experimenting and making stuff I don't usually do. I made a chicken curry in 30 minutes and it was so good I was asked to make another one. I made a great lamb and broccili soup and tonight I did a post roast with potatoe, cabbage, carrot, mushrooms, pumkin - it was good. Is something bothering you? That might come out in your blogging if you are not sure. You can try to write things down. What makes me happy vs what shits me. That can help bring things to light. Are you just in a rut? Would doing a night class help - maybe you always wanted to learn a language...French, German, Spanish, Indonesian. Or learn ceramics, or cooking classes for pastry, or Asian cooking. what about a mediatation class? I have always wanted to do that and intended to for the last 18 months but never made the time. Or do you need a jigolo LOL! (okok I'm kidding). We are here for you, always and forever. A big warm hug from Rainbow xxx
AND, we sure would notice you were gone!!!!!! You are a good part of my life. I love how we tried beading together and talking at CK, and crapping, and you know what? You always make me feel supported, like you are really in my corner, genuinely caring about me and my well being. I do consider you a friend, not just person I met online. You are very real to me, and you mean something important to me. You are beautiful and a very special person.
Thanks guys, I feel that I am closer to you all then then the walking around flesh and blood friends I have. Everyone, including myself is always too busy and "let's catch-up next time" and never do, but you are always here. I'm really lucky to have stumbled upon you all!
Kissie, kissie all sloppy and wet!
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